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‘My flatmate stole my cheese!’
`I feel so intimidated ... all these people I've never met before and suddenly I have to live with them. What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? Should I act differently to fit in or should I be completely myself. I don't like feeling so nervous . after all . this is my home now. How shall I break the ice? shall I wait for them to talk to me? I just wish I had someone to lean on and understand how I'm feeling.'
The first set of people you will probably encounter at university will be the people you're going to live with for the rest of the year.
Generally, most people will get on fine with the odd flare up here and there usually because of dirty communal areas and people not doing their bit.
Tense situations can be avoided by doing something small such as setting up a cleaning rota or having a shared money pot for tea bags and toilet rolls. It may sound trivial, but you'd be surprised at the number of flare ups that have started because someone used the last of someone else's milk.
Introducing the occasional flat / house meeting can also work wonders, allowing everyone to voice any concerns they may have.
Regular bonding sessions are good too. These can be anything from an outing together to a night out in the pub.
Sometimes, problems can lie with one particular person. In these kinds of situations it's best to try to talk to the person first.
Let them know how you're feeling, listen to what they have to say then work on a solution.
However if this does not work or you're having problems getting them to talk to you, try to get your flat representative involved by asking them to adjudicate.
By staying calm and being reasonable you should be able to sort most things out between yourselves
Whilst talking will deal with mundane things like dirty dishes in the sink, other issues may be more difficult to sort out. Things like extreme bullying, theft, violent behaviour, sexual harassment, threats and damage to your property can seriously affect you.
If you are living in halls then there are generally some simple routes to follow to deal with unpleasant situations.
They mainly involve talking to your flat representative or your post-grad representative, so that they can help you to de-escalate any tough situations you may find yourself in.
If you think that you're in any immediate physical danger then you should try to get some help. Contact your halls reception, the police, a family member or a friend as soon as you can.
If you find yourself in an unbearable situation in a privately rented house, then there are fewer options. Again, if you're in immediate physical danger then get help - call the police or a nearby friend.
Some students may be reluctant to talk to a family member back home about how they are feeling at university - particularly if they are feeling unwell
or unhappy because they don't want to disappoint them or burden them with their problems. Remember that your family is there to guide and support you through tough times. Sometimes picking up the phone and having a chat with your mum or dad can make all the difference.
You may find it useful to appoint the flatmate or friend you feel most comfortable with as a `next of kin', so if anything does happen to you -
for example a mental health crisis - this person can be informed and involved.
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