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‘Am I going to be a loner?’
"I never thought it would be this difficult .. everyone always says Uni is the place you meet your lifelong friends, but I can't stop thinking of all the friends I've left behind! I just feel I have to start all over again. Don't get me wrong, they all seem like really nice people . but I don't know how to fit in, make friends . even what to say or how to act. . How do I make friends? what if I get it wrong? or they don't like me? It's all so daunting on top of all the other new stuff, I just wish it would happen and I didn't have to make loads of effort in case it doesn't work."
Throughout university you will encounter people from all walks of life.
Some of these people will become your best friends;
others may be passing acquaintances or people you'll have to develop a certain degree of tolerance to.
One of the biggest fears that many students have when they start university is the prospect of making new friends. This can be especially true if you are shy.
Everyone is different; some people will make friends for life straight away. Whereas for others friendship will take time to develop. Don't put pressure on yourself or be daunted by the prospect that everyone has made friends but you.
Remember that in order to find friendship you just have to be yourself. Don't be scared to talk to anyone, chances are they're probably in the same position as you. So take a deep breath and be confident and self assured.
There are a number of ways in which you can meet people with the same interests as you:
- Try joining clubs or societies. This can be a really good way of meeting people and being involved in something that you really enjoy.
- Another great way of having fun and developing friendships at the same time is through planning social activities with your flatmates.
This can be anything from going clubbing, five-a-side football to cooking a Sunday lunch together.
- You can develop friendships with people on your course who - let's face it - already share some common ground with you.
Getting involved with your course socials can also be a great way of getting to know your fellow students and even some lecturers.
- Sometimes in your quest to make new friends you may be faced with the prospect of doing something you don't want to do. Don't feel that you have to give in just to be accepted. It is ok to say `no'. Try telling your friends how you feel and why you may not be comfortable going along with what they want you to do.
For some people meeting the right friends can be extremely difficult.
Things like low confidence and self esteem can get in the way.
If this is really making you feel down, there are a number of things you can do to help. Try attending some confidence building classes or visit your university counselling service. You will find that the counsellors are experienced in dealing with these kinds of issues. They may even have drop - in groups that you can attend to help build your confidence skills.
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